Playing the Foreigner Card: Language and The Blank Face

As a foreigner in Korea, I have the option of playing the "Foreigner Card" and getting away with not knowing the rules of the culture, the language, how you're suppose to address certain people, when to bow, which side of the lunch tray my rice is supposed to go on, etc. But ask any sane person and you'll find that being out of the loop and perfecting the blank face gets old quickly. Here is my introduction into "Playing the Foreigner Card". The first topic is language. Know it or wither into a big stupid glob of a foreigner.

The two months before I arrived in Korea, I decided that learning Hangul (Korean alphabet) would be helpful, "hell I'll even learn some phrases", I thought. I found talktomeinKorean.com and I was off. I bought a notebook, sharpened my pencils, and wrote down the entire Hangul and proceeded to memorize it. I learned the consonants with no problem. Vowels, check. I'm sorry did you say double vowels? What? Oh that character doesn't translate to English. Oh...shit. All that to say, when I landed in Korea I knew how to say hello, thank you, goodbye, sorry, and what is this. I was excited I knew this much until I got out of the airport where everyone spoke English, then I was in Korea...where they speak Korean.

Walking down the street people would ask me questions and I would give them blank stares, my kid students would be jumping out of their chairs and yelling and all I could do was speak English and give the best damn teacher stare I could. The teacher stare has made many a high school students who had criminal records cower in fear. Korean children just stopped and stared back. Going to the bank, the hospital with my Korean contact made me feel like a complete idiot. The doctor would say something while looking at me, I return with the blank face, Dr. talks to Korean, Korean translates, "pee in cup. Bring back." Oh. Well... not only do I feel stupid now, but extremely awkward. How does this end?

Learn the damn language. 

Korean is a difficult language, no way I'm saying it's not, but live in Korea and it gets a bit easier. Want to prepare some food? Learn Korean. Want to control the class? Learn Korean. Want to know what the ahjussi's (old Korean men) are saying as you walk by. Don't learn Korean. Trust me on that last one. Just keep walking. 

A few of the local foreigners here and I are committed to not playing the foreigner card for a whole year or two while we're here. I refuse to feel stupid when I can change the way I respond to this country and it's quirks. Now whenever I meet up with my friends here in Naju we call over the waiter using Korean, ask for more water, can we have some rice, etc. But there is a problem in this "fitting in/impressing Koreans" plan, #1 they think you speak Korean fluently, #2 they answer you in English because they're Canadian Korean, Korean American, or from another Asian country all together and have no idea what you said in the first place, #3 they just want to speak English to you.

They Overestimate Your Korean Skills: You are super proud because you just asked them what something was and then they respond. You have no idea what they said. Enter Blank Face.

They keep talking to you. They might not understand the blank face. Panic sets in. Blank Face turns into Panic Face.

You have to start speaking English even though you know how say, "Sorry, I don't speak Korean well" in Korean. That only encourages this type.

They Don't Speak Korean: Just this week my Texan friend, Aimee and I went to Pizza School, a yummy pizza place, and asked the girl there what her name was in Korean. I had been to Pizza School a few times and she recognized me every time saying Hello! and I wanted to be friendly. When I asked her what her name was in Korean, she looked at me and said, "I'm Chinese." Give me a break Korea.

Sorry, you looked Korean.

Last but not least, the Look I Know English, Just Let Me Speak English To You: I went through all the trouble of figuring out how to say, "more rice, water please" the least you could do is go with it, but no, you have to show me you know English. How prideful can you get (insert irony here)? At a traditional Korean restaurant this weekend my friend and I asked for more bap (rice) and the guy replies, "rice?" Damn you.

 Then as we left we said goodbye in his mother tongue only to be ushered out hearing "Goodbye!" Damn you again. How dare you take this away from us!

English? Korean? Hell if I know.