New Year's Eve in Korea is pretty much the same elsewhere. Some people go to the big city, some make last minute plans, and some sleep during the big epic waste of time that is counting down to the new year. I've done NYC Times Square (never ever ever ever again) I've been by myself, I've done the last minute party. In short. I don't really have much affection for New Years celebrating. This year I cleaned my apartment. And when I say clean, I mean I wanted to enter the new year as clean as I possibly could. I'm tired and need a shower. Now I'm waiting to see what will happen for the rest of the night. Last year I slept during the countdown and woke up in 2011 refreshed. It was fantastic. Might happen again this year. "But Jennifer, you're in a foreign country! Shouldn't you go out and do something unique!?" Did you guys miss something? New Year's Eve is THE SAME. People gather around drink, stand in the cussing cold weather, count down (that is if they are still sober enough to remember how to count), and then the climax of the evening is over. Yay. We counted. Now we can go home.
2011 was a hard year, most of that hardship having to do with my first teaching job and living one of the worst places ever in NC. But it was also a good year. I have made a list of some of those events below. It's kind of a different way to celebrate the year and see how I've changed and grown. I did things I never thought possible (#7, 19), some exhausting things (#1-5), and some downright kick ass things. Hopefully, this list will get me thinking of what could appear on list next year's list. Enjoy. I know I did.
1. lived in two different countries.
2. lived in two different states in US.
3. lived at five different addresses. ( I moved a lot okay.)
4. Had my first real teaching job.
5. Survived my first real teaching job.
6. Went to a rooftop party in NYC.
7. Worked at a Marine Science Camp where my sister was my boss. (I have a degree in English and my sister is 4 yrs. younger than me.)
8. Learned how to drive a 15 passenger van.
9. Mastered chopsticks (cereal included)
10. Attended and participated in only one wedding.
11. Fell in love...with kpop.
12. Mourned with the rest of the world as we saw the last of Harry Potter.
13. Was accepted to a graduate school in Kentucky.
14. Decided not to go to graduate school in Kentucky.
15. Began learning a new language (my third).
16. Finished my very first short story! Just knowing it's finished is a huge accomplishment to me.
17. Broke down and admitted that I wanted a Kindle. I feel like I've betrayed the paper and ink gods.
18. Got a Kindle. Love it.
19. Navigated Seoul for my very first trip. Alone. At midnight.
20. Had a student in the US tell me that if it wasn't for my class they would have left school long ago and to please God don't leave. (tear)
21. Walked down the streets of New York feeling confident, happy, and at peace with who I was. No small feat for anyone. Especially in NYC.
22. Walked down the streets of Naju-Si Jellonamdo Province South Korea with that exact same feeling 7 months later.
Here's to 2012. I hope you freaking rock. If you don't...there isn't much I can do about it.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Christmas in Korea
Christmas...I waited a few days before doing a post about this. How does one describe spending a holiday (your favorite) away from all things familiar? I spent Christmas in a country that does little to celebrate the holiday. In fact Christmas Eve is a couple's day where little pairs of lovers stroll the streets holding hands leaning in close to whisper and to smile. Barf...
My Dad acts like a kid the day after Thanksgiving, which is when Christmas season officially starts. We load up in his truck and head to Lowe's and buy an outdoor Christmas decoration. My Dad doesn't need a reason to go to Lowe's. It's his happy place, but this day there is a special child like glean in his eye. What should we get, a reindeer? Carolers? Snoopy sleeping in his Christmasy decorated doghouse? All have been purchased in the past.
There is a sense of happiness in the house that is only accompanied by Christmas. My parents are on vacation which means they aren't stressed and can sleep late, cook breakfast, drink coffee sitting down, etc. Calendars are full of church activities, Christmas parties, shopping, gift wrapping, and grocery shopping. But we're a bit happier with this sort of busyness because it's Christmas. We only do this once a year.
Christmas morning is marked by my sister and I getting up early to open presents from "Santa", breathe in the heavenly sent of breakfast casserole and coffee, try to sneak sausage balls from the Christmas tin that they are hidden in, only to be caught by my Mother who throws things at us. When other families gather for Christmas I'm not sure what they do, but mine...for my family Christmas we make wrapping paper torpedoes and other weapons of mass destruction to launch at one another after the gifts have been opened. Adults leave the room and my 35 yr. old brother starts the battle. Cousins dive behind one another to take cover from the rain of wrapping paper bullets. We truly are a loving and selfish family. Our stomachs groan at us and we wonder how much more we can eat, saying, "no, I shouldn't", all the while grabbing another slice of red velvet cake. We put on all of our new Christmas clothing, watch whatever DVD we received from Santa, and all promptly fall asleep on the couch. Wrapping paper wars are tiresome after all.
So this year was different. You know, not much different. I met a friend for coffee on Christmas Eve. Her bus ran late and I sat in the coffee shop for an hour and a half. Alone. With couples everywhere. Staring at me. "Poor foreign girl. All alone on Christmas Eve." I willed them to stay and wait so that when my friend did arrive they would see that no, I wasn't a sad pathetic creature. I did have friends. But alas, when she arrived, few were left.
My Dad acts like a kid the day after Thanksgiving, which is when Christmas season officially starts. We load up in his truck and head to Lowe's and buy an outdoor Christmas decoration. My Dad doesn't need a reason to go to Lowe's. It's his happy place, but this day there is a special child like glean in his eye. What should we get, a reindeer? Carolers? Snoopy sleeping in his Christmasy decorated doghouse? All have been purchased in the past.
There is a sense of happiness in the house that is only accompanied by Christmas. My parents are on vacation which means they aren't stressed and can sleep late, cook breakfast, drink coffee sitting down, etc. Calendars are full of church activities, Christmas parties, shopping, gift wrapping, and grocery shopping. But we're a bit happier with this sort of busyness because it's Christmas. We only do this once a year.
Christmas morning is marked by my sister and I getting up early to open presents from "Santa", breathe in the heavenly sent of breakfast casserole and coffee, try to sneak sausage balls from the Christmas tin that they are hidden in, only to be caught by my Mother who throws things at us. When other families gather for Christmas I'm not sure what they do, but mine...for my family Christmas we make wrapping paper torpedoes and other weapons of mass destruction to launch at one another after the gifts have been opened. Adults leave the room and my 35 yr. old brother starts the battle. Cousins dive behind one another to take cover from the rain of wrapping paper bullets. We truly are a loving and selfish family. Our stomachs groan at us and we wonder how much more we can eat, saying, "no, I shouldn't", all the while grabbing another slice of red velvet cake. We put on all of our new Christmas clothing, watch whatever DVD we received from Santa, and all promptly fall asleep on the couch. Wrapping paper wars are tiresome after all.
So this year was different. You know, not much different. I met a friend for coffee on Christmas Eve. Her bus ran late and I sat in the coffee shop for an hour and a half. Alone. With couples everywhere. Staring at me. "Poor foreign girl. All alone on Christmas Eve." I willed them to stay and wait so that when my friend did arrive they would see that no, I wasn't a sad pathetic creature. I did have friends. But alas, when she arrived, few were left.
We had coffee, went shopping at the equivalent of the Korean Wal-Mart (what were we thinking!?), ate Burger King, headed to a Christmas party where about 20 foreigners gathered together and tried to push the thoughts of how they could be spending Christmas with families and friends that weren't virtual strangers. We smiled and laughed, had food that was strange to us, we even had a white elephant gift exchange (I received a can of beer and a bottle of wine). But in the back of everyone's mind we all wanted to slink off to a corner and have a wee cry. But we didn't. We chose this life.
So yes, this year I might have slept on the floor, wrapped up in a sheet on Christmas Eve and woken up to fresh snow covering everything. I might have missed my family and wished that I could have opened presents with them and thrown my sister into the path of an oncoming wrapping paper torpedo, but I did get to spend Christmas with other people who felt the exact same way I did. I got to laugh with new friends, eat good food, play in the snow, and watch the Griswold's Christmas Vacation. If anything, I got to play in the snow. Never have I done that on Christmas.
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| Christmas morning snow |
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| Merry Christmas |
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
"What the...Kim Jong Il is Dead!" Wednesday
It's everywhere. I can't go anywhere and not hear about it. Kim Jong Il "The Great Leader" died. We know. We get it.
As an American, this was big news to me. I became really interested in North Korea (NK) in college after watching a National Geographic special. How an entire country could worship and follow one man, cut itself off from the rest of the world, and be a blank slate on google maps was beyond me. It fascinated me. Here in the Republic of Korea (the south) NK is just a crazy crazy country that causes problems every once and a while. Now a days, there are few who can distinctly recall the Korean War and there are precious few who have family still alive in the North. When the news reached Koreans there was a mix of emotions: mothers were nervous that their sons would be sent to war, families stocked up on ramyun, some celebrated with soju, while business men worried about their stocks plunging. There is no war, people stock up ramyun anyway, stocks did plunge, and there is still some soju left over. Korea moves on, all the while watching their northern neighbor with a weathered eye. They have, after all, been at war with the North since the 1950's.
When I watched that National Geographic special, they showed a clip of a mother and daughter walking hand in hand headed towards school. They were happy. They were an idyllic mother daughter couple. They were singing a lullaby about the blood of Americans flowing down the streets. Horrified? I was. After more research, it turns out that NK teaches it's citizens that the Americans invaded Korea, started the war, and are imperialist. Fantastic. Perhaps this is why Americans are so interested in the North. We are the enemy. We persuaded the south to follow our imperialistic ways and kill/torture/throw nukes at anyone and everyone who opposed. Muahaha
I have always looked at NK from a humanitarian point of view. Kim Jong Il has allowed his people to starve while he enjoys fine wines. He has opened labor camps and forced people who "break the law" (aka don't do worship him with every fiber in their Korean bodies) to live in a "Korean concentration camp" while his son, "The Great Successor" is fat and chunky and attended school in Switzerland. If people are caught defecting to China or the ROK they are killed, tortured, or put into labor camps until they die of exhaustion and starvation. Oh wait! Didn't Kim Jong Il die of exhaustion working for the good of the people? That's what the NK state television said. That's what none of us believe.
Many of us here in Korea, expats and Koreans alike, hope for a better future economically, politically, and nuclear (ly) between the two countries that share the same peninsula. We hope that the NK's are secretly excited that the Dear Leader is gone and that now their country and their people might have a chance at peace, growth, and a life without monthly food and fuel rations. It is my prayer and thought that truth and hope would enter into the country and that the people around NK (ROK, Japan, China, Russia) would want the same. One can dream right?
And for your viewing pleasure, this website which is freaking hilarious and always good for a laugh: Kim Jong Il looking at things.
As an American, this was big news to me. I became really interested in North Korea (NK) in college after watching a National Geographic special. How an entire country could worship and follow one man, cut itself off from the rest of the world, and be a blank slate on google maps was beyond me. It fascinated me. Here in the Republic of Korea (the south) NK is just a crazy crazy country that causes problems every once and a while. Now a days, there are few who can distinctly recall the Korean War and there are precious few who have family still alive in the North. When the news reached Koreans there was a mix of emotions: mothers were nervous that their sons would be sent to war, families stocked up on ramyun, some celebrated with soju, while business men worried about their stocks plunging. There is no war, people stock up ramyun anyway, stocks did plunge, and there is still some soju left over. Korea moves on, all the while watching their northern neighbor with a weathered eye. They have, after all, been at war with the North since the 1950's.
When I watched that National Geographic special, they showed a clip of a mother and daughter walking hand in hand headed towards school. They were happy. They were an idyllic mother daughter couple. They were singing a lullaby about the blood of Americans flowing down the streets. Horrified? I was. After more research, it turns out that NK teaches it's citizens that the Americans invaded Korea, started the war, and are imperialist. Fantastic. Perhaps this is why Americans are so interested in the North. We are the enemy. We persuaded the south to follow our imperialistic ways and kill/torture/throw nukes at anyone and everyone who opposed. Muahaha
I have always looked at NK from a humanitarian point of view. Kim Jong Il has allowed his people to starve while he enjoys fine wines. He has opened labor camps and forced people who "break the law" (aka don't do worship him with every fiber in their Korean bodies) to live in a "Korean concentration camp" while his son, "The Great Successor" is fat and chunky and attended school in Switzerland. If people are caught defecting to China or the ROK they are killed, tortured, or put into labor camps until they die of exhaustion and starvation. Oh wait! Didn't Kim Jong Il die of exhaustion working for the good of the people? That's what the NK state television said. That's what none of us believe.
Many of us here in Korea, expats and Koreans alike, hope for a better future economically, politically, and nuclear (ly) between the two countries that share the same peninsula. We hope that the NK's are secretly excited that the Dear Leader is gone and that now their country and their people might have a chance at peace, growth, and a life without monthly food and fuel rations. It is my prayer and thought that truth and hope would enter into the country and that the people around NK (ROK, Japan, China, Russia) would want the same. One can dream right?
And for your viewing pleasure, this website which is freaking hilarious and always good for a laugh: Kim Jong Il looking at things.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Grocery Shopping in Korea
One of my favorite things to do in the whole wide world is to go grocery shopping. I know. It's strange. I can't explain why. Whole Foods (whoop whoop), Harris Teeter, Food Lion, Aldi, Piggly Wiggly, I love them all. Grab a grocery cart and steer my way in, I start in the fruit and veggies (as do most people), skip the seafood section (hate hate hate fishy smells), and end my trip by browsing the dairy section. Perhaps it's the possibilities that await in a grocery store, new recipes stuffed in my bag, ingredients dripping off the page and jumping into my cart. When I get home I organize all of my purchases and will always always cook a full meal that night, including a dessert, with my fresh off the shelf groceries.
Grocery shopping in Korea is no different. I. Love. It. I don't like, however, having to carry all of my groceries all the way back home. In thecold/hot/wind/rain/snow whatever weather we're having that day. But as I'm sure some of you are curious as to how grocery shopping is different I thought I would share with you a few pictures from my local store: The Hanaro Mart.
Now, obviously, I have difficulties buying a few products. I can't read Korean well enough to be able to translate what I'm buying. Laundry detergent is just a guess and grab item, while cheese is almost non-existent, and seafood is a stand and gawk section. Fruit and veggies are EXPENSIVE so I usually grab one or two items and move on.
Grocery shopping in Korea is no different. I. Love. It. I don't like, however, having to carry all of my groceries all the way back home. In the
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| and so colorful too |
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| Live squid |
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| A staple in every Korean grocery store, red pepper paste. |
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| Not sure what laundry detergent to get? Me either. |
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| There is no such thing as a "dry"Korea. Here is the liquor/beer section. |
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| Doesn't get any fresher than that folks. |
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| Ramyun, because it's actually really good here and as always, cheap. |
I tried not to take a large amount of pictures as to escape that "look another waygook with a camera" stereotype. I hope you get the general gist of things. The layout is the same, veggies first, dairy last, skip the seafood section. No actually, I don't do that because the seafood section here is way more cooler than American stores. I mean look at the size of those crabs. That is what she said anyway.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
My life is one big "What the..." moment
My life is one big "what the..." moment. Truth is this past week has been overwhelming and exhausting. I'm tired. December has been...well...busy: Christmas shopping, first trip to Seoul, realizing that being an ESL teacher is nothing like teaching English to high schoolers. This list could go on and on. Lately, the scales are starting to fall from my eyes when I look at Korea. I hate that I can't speak the language and that little things like clothes shopping, or ordering a coffee can reduce me to a big frustrated tearful English speaking blob. Being a foreigner in a less foreigner friendly place is hard. Really hard. I walk into a shop and the clerks cluster around each other whispering in their rapid Korean tongues, "Oh crap, a foreigner. Who speaks English? No one! Okay rock paper scissors who has to help her..." Sometimes it's humorous to see their panic. It really is comical. But then sometimes you just feel like one big freak, which isn't comical (ok maybe sometimes).
In the States, I was confident of my teaching abilities. Sure there were some days when I would collapse at my desk and think, "Did they learn anything at all today? Probably not." But I knew that I could teach. I was capable of being a competent teacher. But here...here I question myself everyday. How can they not understand Present Perfect Continuous Tense?! How can he not make up a sentence?! Why aren't they answering me and giving me blank stares?! Am I speaking a different language or something?!
Oh wait...
yes. Yes I am.
I have to remind myself that this type of learning and teaching takes more time and patience than I'm used to. When my kid students stare at me not understanding anything, inside my head I'm screaming, "GOD you are so stupid! How are you not getting this?"Don't judge me. I said I say it in my head. Breathe teacha breathe.
Don't misunderstand, Korea is a spectacular place to be. People are helpful, the food is so good that I crave it and don't know what to request from home anymore because I'm so satisfied with the cuisine here, I have a great job with great people, Korean fashion this season includes massive sweaters over leggings which means I can actually buy clothes, public transportation is on time and efficient, coffee shops are on every corner, the weather is stellar, TV shows never disappoint, and it snowed last week. I don't regret moving to this country at all, but I wish that I could find a English novel, a coffee store that opened before 10am, and a bus driver that didn't want to kill me. I told one of my students that I was going to Gwangju after work yesterday and he became concerned. He said, "Jennifer, you are a stranger here."
I know. Everyday, I know.
On the upside, here are some pictures of the snow last week that had me quoting Robert Frost and dancing around with arms outstretched.
In the States, I was confident of my teaching abilities. Sure there were some days when I would collapse at my desk and think, "Did they learn anything at all today? Probably not." But I knew that I could teach. I was capable of being a competent teacher. But here...here I question myself everyday. How can they not understand Present Perfect Continuous Tense?! How can he not make up a sentence?! Why aren't they answering me and giving me blank stares?! Am I speaking a different language or something?!
Oh wait...
yes. Yes I am.
I have to remind myself that this type of learning and teaching takes more time and patience than I'm used to. When my kid students stare at me not understanding anything, inside my head I'm screaming, "GOD you are so stupid! How are you not getting this?"Don't judge me. I said I say it in my head. Breathe teacha breathe.
Don't misunderstand, Korea is a spectacular place to be. People are helpful, the food is so good that I crave it and don't know what to request from home anymore because I'm so satisfied with the cuisine here, I have a great job with great people, Korean fashion this season includes massive sweaters over leggings which means I can actually buy clothes, public transportation is on time and efficient, coffee shops are on every corner, the weather is stellar, TV shows never disappoint, and it snowed last week. I don't regret moving to this country at all, but I wish that I could find a English novel, a coffee store that opened before 10am, and a bus driver that didn't want to kill me. I told one of my students that I was going to Gwangju after work yesterday and he became concerned. He said, "Jennifer, you are a stranger here."
I know. Everyday, I know.
On the upside, here are some pictures of the snow last week that had me quoting Robert Frost and dancing around with arms outstretched.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
What the Wednesday
What a Wednesday it has been here in Korea. Today I bought a train ticket to Seoul, my first official visit to the capital, and was in a bus accident. I was not lying when I said bus riding was scary. No injuries, just people not looking where they're going. This just happens to be the first one I've been in and about the fourth one I've seen. Ah Korea.
But for this week's "What the...Wednesday" I bring...Love Motels.
The name pretty much explains everything. Men or women having affairs frequent here, young unmarried men and women too. Usually young people leave college and move back home because buying (you don't rent) an apartment is ridiculously expensive, so meeting a 27 year old guy who still lives with mom and pops is perfectly normal and acceptable. But when he wants to have some special time with that special lady of his...to the love motel it is. And last but not least, the occasional expat who needs a cheap place to stay, we head to the love motel. Now this isn't some nasty, disgusting, littered with...er...nastiness for the lack of a better word. They can be clean and usually fit the need (a place to sleep for the night). Most city buses stop running past a certain time, and the Naju-Gwangju bus stops at 10:30pm, so if you want a night out, then you have to spend the entire night in said city. W45,000 ($47) got my friend and I two beds, a separate bath room, and a jacuzzi bathtub. Split between two people and you have an amazing deal. So without further ado here is...the love motel.
When the family vacations they don't stay in a love motel. They go to an actual hotel with non-rubbery sheets. Now don't get me wrong, you can stay in some pretty nasty places, but this was not one of them. Strange, yes. Clean, God I hope so. Safe, yes. Collection of soft porn in the hallway, yes. What the...
But for this week's "What the...Wednesday" I bring...Love Motels.
The name pretty much explains everything. Men or women having affairs frequent here, young unmarried men and women too. Usually young people leave college and move back home because buying (you don't rent) an apartment is ridiculously expensive, so meeting a 27 year old guy who still lives with mom and pops is perfectly normal and acceptable. But when he wants to have some special time with that special lady of his...to the love motel it is. And last but not least, the occasional expat who needs a cheap place to stay, we head to the love motel. Now this isn't some nasty, disgusting, littered with...er...nastiness for the lack of a better word. They can be clean and usually fit the need (a place to sleep for the night). Most city buses stop running past a certain time, and the Naju-Gwangju bus stops at 10:30pm, so if you want a night out, then you have to spend the entire night in said city. W45,000 ($47) got my friend and I two beds, a separate bath room, and a jacuzzi bathtub. Split between two people and you have an amazing deal. So without further ado here is...the love motel.
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| Compete with bug spray and condoms, for confidence. Confident there are no bugs or babies? Maybe both? |
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| Mood lighting. Red was on the other side.Green means go? |
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| Pictures on the wall. Bathing beauties donning robs and mud face masks. |
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| Biggest bathtub in Korea! |
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| View from the window. Notice the castle. |
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Sometimes I miss college
My sister is stressed. Really stressed. It's her last semester of undergrad and it's finals time. We talked about it today on Skype (God bless the maker of Skype!). As she was talking, I got to thinking about my undergraduate experience and how I strangely missed it. So be forewarned, this post has nothing to do with Korea. Nothing. Go to the sidebar now and choose another blogger to hear more about Korea. No really. Ok, I told you so...
When my sister was bemoaning the fact that she had to sit in the middle of a row of books today because all the desks were taken in the library, I started remembering those days when I had my favorite nook among those stacks of books, all warm and safe, smells of books and paper wrapped around me like a scarf. The seventh floor of Jackson, where I could look out over the fountain, that I had once jumped in and made a fool of myself, and just get a glimpse of downtown Greensboro. If I happened upon someone in my seat, I would get angry. "How dare you sit there! That is mine! Have you even been inside the library before? I've never seen you. If I see you here again, in my seat, I will cut you." Good spots in the library are hard to find ok? We all go a little crazy during finals, which was the only time the library was the place to be and someone would be in my seat. I would trudge to the basement, the place that others hadn't quite discovered, and study, memorizing lines and lines of Modern British and European poetry, translating Middle English to Modern. One professor had the splendid idea that on his final he would include two line excerpts from five poems in which we had to name the poem, the author, and one fact about the author of each excerpt. We had anywhere between 30-45 poems to choose from. By the end of the night the librarian would find a huddled mass swaying back and forth on the floor, surrounded by Coke cans and Peanut Butter M&M packages, muttering lines from poems, mixing Eliot with Langston. Oh the horror of such a mistake.
My college experience can be summarized with 2am walks around campus with friends, meeting up at the tennis courts to chat and laugh, escaping to Tate St. Coffee, a coffee shop close to campus, to start writing (my new found love), bundling up and sledding in the snow with trays from the caf, long hours in McIver and the Hoorah( HHRH) buildings, friends made and lost, hearts hurt and equally mended, whispers of the life that we could lead once we graduated.
I wish I could back to that desk in the library sit down with younger Jennifer and say, "don't try to figure it out now. The only way you're going to really figure it out is by going out there and living. Trust me it will make life easier to not worry. Forget that guy's name, in four years you won't remember him anyway. For the love of all that is good and holy don't cut your hair like that again, no matter what your friends say. You know they are only being nice. By the way, you know how you've been wanting to go and live in Ireland or Seattle or somewhere? Yeah, you're not. You're going to live in Korea"
It's as if I lived as a different person, planning a different life, because where I am now is not at all where I expected to be. I mean not even close. So far off, I would that perhaps I am a different person, or maybe I was just working to become that person I am now.
In recent visits with friends to my alma mater, when we step onto college avenue we are five years younger. Hair isn't thinning or receding or graying (God, how do you stop the graying!?). Thoughts of bills, debt, kids, futures undecided and uncertain, all disappear. We grab sidewalk chalk and a beat up volleyball and play four-square (because we're cool and old school like that), and ignore the fact that there are a hundred other places we could have gone, but decided only college ave. had the square space and therefore we had to come to campus. There really was no other choice. Then when we're tired and it's close to 1am and the "I can't believe I stayed out this late"'s are said we step off campus and become adults again; each going to whatever house or apartment we pay the mortgage/ rent for. Kids entering the grown-up world. We adjust, we move with the shifts of change, and we always know that to look back every once and a while is ok.
But no really, how do you stop the graying hair? Anyone? Anyone...?
When my sister was bemoaning the fact that she had to sit in the middle of a row of books today because all the desks were taken in the library, I started remembering those days when I had my favorite nook among those stacks of books, all warm and safe, smells of books and paper wrapped around me like a scarf. The seventh floor of Jackson, where I could look out over the fountain, that I had once jumped in and made a fool of myself, and just get a glimpse of downtown Greensboro. If I happened upon someone in my seat, I would get angry. "How dare you sit there! That is mine! Have you even been inside the library before? I've never seen you. If I see you here again, in my seat, I will cut you." Good spots in the library are hard to find ok? We all go a little crazy during finals, which was the only time the library was the place to be and someone would be in my seat. I would trudge to the basement, the place that others hadn't quite discovered, and study, memorizing lines and lines of Modern British and European poetry, translating Middle English to Modern. One professor had the splendid idea that on his final he would include two line excerpts from five poems in which we had to name the poem, the author, and one fact about the author of each excerpt. We had anywhere between 30-45 poems to choose from. By the end of the night the librarian would find a huddled mass swaying back and forth on the floor, surrounded by Coke cans and Peanut Butter M&M packages, muttering lines from poems, mixing Eliot with Langston. Oh the horror of such a mistake.
My college experience can be summarized with 2am walks around campus with friends, meeting up at the tennis courts to chat and laugh, escaping to Tate St. Coffee, a coffee shop close to campus, to start writing (my new found love), bundling up and sledding in the snow with trays from the caf, long hours in McIver and the Hoorah( HHRH) buildings, friends made and lost, hearts hurt and equally mended, whispers of the life that we could lead once we graduated.
I wish I could back to that desk in the library sit down with younger Jennifer and say, "don't try to figure it out now. The only way you're going to really figure it out is by going out there and living. Trust me it will make life easier to not worry. Forget that guy's name, in four years you won't remember him anyway. For the love of all that is good and holy don't cut your hair like that again, no matter what your friends say. You know they are only being nice. By the way, you know how you've been wanting to go and live in Ireland or Seattle or somewhere? Yeah, you're not. You're going to live in Korea"
It's as if I lived as a different person, planning a different life, because where I am now is not at all where I expected to be. I mean not even close. So far off, I would that perhaps I am a different person, or maybe I was just working to become that person I am now.
In recent visits with friends to my alma mater, when we step onto college avenue we are five years younger. Hair isn't thinning or receding or graying (God, how do you stop the graying!?). Thoughts of bills, debt, kids, futures undecided and uncertain, all disappear. We grab sidewalk chalk and a beat up volleyball and play four-square (because we're cool and old school like that), and ignore the fact that there are a hundred other places we could have gone, but decided only college ave. had the square space and therefore we had to come to campus. There really was no other choice. Then when we're tired and it's close to 1am and the "I can't believe I stayed out this late"'s are said we step off campus and become adults again; each going to whatever house or apartment we pay the mortgage/ rent for. Kids entering the grown-up world. We adjust, we move with the shifts of change, and we always know that to look back every once and a while is ok.
But no really, how do you stop the graying hair? Anyone? Anyone...?
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