What to Expect When the Expat Visits

It's a strange time, when the expat visits. She looks mostly the same. She sounds a bit funny. Did she always talk like that? What do I act exactly? Don't worry. I have a list.

What happens when the person in your life who lives over seas comes home? How should you prepare? What sort of ready proofing of the mind should you undertake?
In truth you cannot actually prepare for such an oncoming storm. However, you can know what to expect.

WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN THE EXPAT VISITS

1. Do not insist that she doesn't have to take her shoes off when she enters your home. It will only cause her intense anxiety. Allow her to take them off at the door and don't look at her strangely. Really, it'll make her feel better.

2. She most likely will start her sentences like this, "When I was in…", "In (enter country name)…". Yes, she's become that friend.

3. If you really like a piece of jewelry or clothing item she's wearing and ask where she got it, don't be upset when her answer doesn't include a store close by, as in not even the same country.

4. Be patient when she searches for the right expression or word to respond to something. She doesn't get to practice her English skills as much as you. She's forgotten words and…stuff.

5. Along those same lines, be patient when she speaks in a different language. She might not realize it. Gently remind her that you have no idea what the hell she said. Her accent might be off as well. Oh, and her speech will be slow. She teaches ESL for a living. It's her job to speak slowly.

6. Do not be surprised if she hasn't seen that movie/tv show, heard of that band or their music and no, she might not know that song.

7. She will marvel at electric ovens, dryers, the vegetable and fruit sections of the store, and other sorts of sorcery. (Long hours will be spent in the veg and fruit section at the grocers.)

8. The lack of a bell (around the :55 second mark) at the table of restaurants will frustrate her. You people actually wait for the waiter?! Nonsense. Complete nonsense.

9. She might get upset at you for not running the red light. I mean…no one is coming.

10. Do not say anything along the lines about Asian kids being well behaved, and never ever say "ching chang chong" or anything close to it. Punching is an acceptable response to such ignorant things.

11. Things such as fresh air, blue skies, larger breeds of dogs, cute little neighborhoods with grassy yards, thunderstorms, Target, clothes and shoes that she can try on, and black coffee might move her to tears of exquisite happiness. It's the simple things in life. I cannot stress this enough.

12. It will actually puzzle/relieve/upset her as to why no one is staring at her.

13. She carries toilet paper with her everywhere. She's not used to bathrooms having toilet paper stocked.

14. Before she takes a shower she'll ask if the hot water is turned on. Where she lives it's only on if you push the hot water button.

Overall, the most important thing you can do for the expat in your home and amongst your ranks, is to be patient. She's going to experience reverse culture shock. What you think is her home, hasn't been her home in 2.5 years. Rice paddies, kimchi, chopsticks, cute Korean people with their horrid coffee, buses, and hangul are her life. Expect differences. Expect confusion. Expect an excitement (read OVERJOYED feeling) to be home, yet an out of place feel that she can't explain.

Hand her a good cup of coffee or a glass of sweet iced tea, and sit down to have a chat with the expat in your home.