My life is one big "What the..." moment

My life is one big "what the..." moment. Truth is this past week has been overwhelming and exhausting. I'm tired. December has been...well...busy: Christmas shopping, first trip to Seoul, realizing that being an ESL teacher is nothing like teaching English to high schoolers. This list could go on and on. Lately, the scales are starting to fall from my eyes when I look at Korea. I hate that I can't speak the language and that little things like clothes shopping, or ordering a coffee can reduce me to a big frustrated tearful English speaking blob. Being a foreigner in a less foreigner friendly place is hard. Really hard. I walk into a shop and the clerks cluster around each other whispering in their rapid Korean tongues, "Oh crap, a foreigner. Who speaks English? No one! Okay rock paper scissors who has to help her..." Sometimes it's humorous to see their panic. It really is comical. But then sometimes you just feel like one big freak, which isn't comical (ok maybe sometimes).

In the States, I was confident of my teaching abilities. Sure there were some days when I would collapse at my desk and think, "Did they learn anything at all today? Probably not." But I knew that I could teach. I was capable of being a competent teacher. But here...here I question myself everyday. How can they not understand Present Perfect Continuous Tense?! How can he not make up a sentence?! Why aren't they answering me and giving me blank stares?! Am I speaking a different language or something?!

Oh wait...

yes. Yes I am.

I have to remind myself that this type of learning and teaching takes more time and patience than I'm used to. When my kid students stare at me not understanding anything, inside my head I'm screaming, "GOD you are so stupid! How are you not getting this?"Don't judge me. I said I say it in my head. Breathe teacha breathe.

Don't misunderstand, Korea is a spectacular place to be. People are helpful, the food is so good that I crave it and don't know what to request from home anymore because I'm so satisfied with the cuisine here, I have a great job with great people, Korean fashion this season includes massive sweaters over leggings which means I can actually buy clothes, public transportation is on time and efficient, coffee shops are on every corner, the weather is stellar, TV shows never disappoint, and it snowed last week. I don't regret moving to this country at all, but I wish that I could find a English novel, a coffee store that opened before 10am, and a bus driver that didn't want to kill me. I told one of my students that I was going to Gwangju after work yesterday and he became concerned. He said, "Jennifer, you are a stranger here."

I know. Everyday, I know.

On the upside, here are some pictures of the snow last week that had me quoting Robert Frost and dancing around with arms outstretched.