A man asked me, “why did you come to Korea?” He posed it differently than everyone else had. There was emphasis put on “come” and his gaze was so intent, like he was ready for the bullshit answer that he had heard so many times before. This silenced my first thought, “to teach of course. Isn’t that what every foreigner is here for?” No, why did I really come to Korea? Why was I here?
It’s all because of Jane Austen really. I blame her. As I do for many things: the hope that Mr. Darcy/Mr Tilney/Mr Knightly really does exist, all quick-witted girls can land themselves a dashing, wealthy, gentleman, and sometimes all you need is a good muslin dress and fine eyes to land your man. Damn you Jane Austen for filling my head with such thoughts. But this time Jane actually got it right. In Mansfield Park she said, “life seems a quick succession of busy nothings.” A life full of little nothings. Hello Jennifer? This is your life calling. And so it was.
Everyday I got up, taught school, went home, had dinner, went to sleep. Maybe do something fun on the weekends or see family, but life was decidedly less exciting. I knew many a people who’s life had turned into what mine was and they had settled for it. They dated people with the same life, they were depressed at work, and they saw their life as a circle of never ending dullness. No. This couldn’t happen to me. Yet it had. I knew of a few ways to change it, some drastically, some not so much. First option was to change schools, which I considered doing. I considered changing professions. I despised that idea as I was still in debt from the schooling it took to acquire my teacher's license, and I actually really enjoyed teaching. A change of jobs was not going to happen.
My first real, official, teaching job was in a school that had...issues. The teenagers were walking zombies of texting, sex, and using the word "like" entirely too often, like really. Most of them were exactly as teenagers ought to be, creatures that should be holed up somewhere (school?) until they are deemed fit for society. Teaching them the difference between their, there, and they're was my life's mission, but there their lives kept getting in the way. For some this meant, "you want me to give you my phone?! F*&# off lady," or, "Sorry teach he isn't come to class today. He was arrested last night." It came to be that I was on the verge of actual depression because of my job and the fact that I was ridiculously tired of all the nothings that was my life. In a fateful moment of reading Mansfield Park, I knew I could not go back to that school, that job next year. I loved teaching. LOVED teaching. Seeing a kid get that "aha" face, the moment he understood something, is priceless and was the very reason I taught. But those moments weren't enough to keep me going until retirement. It was time to result to drastic measures...Korea.
Japan was my first thought. My father had been stationed in Japan in his early twenties and really enjoyed it. I grew up hearing him call my mother, "momma-san" and for a good while I thought my mother's name was "momma-san", all the other kids had it wrong. But Japan was quickly down because expats had to have a $4000 upstart to hold them over until they got paid. Ha. No. Did I mention the debt? Did you get that? So I had heard that Korea was pretty cool. They paid airfare, housing, insurance. Forget that small insignificant fact about Kim Jong Il and a Communist/Cult country that is approximately 220 miles from where you live, and you're golden.
But it was more than that. I needed to live in a place where all I had was myself; to take the talents and character that God had given/forced into me and make it through. I didn't want to rely on a man, my parents, any friend, to help me out in any situation. I wanted to be forced into situations that would turn this slightly frightened of looking like a fool, embarrassed, almost complacent person, into one that would be bold, adventurous, and free. Looking back at certain times in my life I can see where God had put me in situation after situation that refined my character into what it would need to be for this kind of life. I'm patient with others, (five years ago this was a laugh), I'm ok with not knowing where I am sometimes, I'm ok with eating strange food that might still have it's eyes or be moving (still getting used to that), and I also know that after falling many times when I fail (as that is often) there is a God who picks me up, dusts me off, and assures me that I can do this.
I couldn't live a bored life, an expected life. Get married. Check. Have kids. Check. I couldn't live that life. It was boring and what everyone expected and waited for with great anticipation. Why wait for one kind of life when there are so many other kinds of lives to be led? Is Korea perfect? No. I still fail and life can still suck; that doesn't change no matter what country you live in. This a seriously strange country that at times that makes me want to scream with frustration, but in the end, I love my job, love my students, and love the life I have chosen (damn all this refining along the way though).
So when the man asked me why I came to this country I simply said, "to live." And so I am.
